It’s natural for parents to feel protective of their children, from the second they’re born right up to the point they start their own families – even after that, it can be hard for parents to loosen the reins. But sometimes being too protective over your children can be harmful. Different children will indeed respond differently to strict, controlling parenting styles. You might find that some become rebellious and behave poorly, whereas others respond with willingness. What determines how your child will react comes down to several key factors. The first is traits and behaviours they’ve picked up from you – their parents – both good and bad. They can also respond differently based on habits and behaviours they have already learnt from past experiences and parenting styles you’ve used without even realising. In this article, we will discuss how to determine if you’re being too overprotective of your child online, as well as the negative side effects controlling parenting can have on your child as they develop and in later life.
What Does Overprotecting Look Like?
There’s a very fine line between looking out for your child’s safety and being overprotective, and it’s natural for parents to have different levels of concern over online safety among other areas too. For example, parents may have different concerns depending on their child’s gender. Parents of daughters may be more concerned about their safety when travelling alone, whereas parents of sons may place greater emphasis on ensuring they form friendships with positive and trustworthy peers at school. It’s important to recognise that as a parent, having these concerns is far from being overprotective. In fact, if parents didn’t have any of these worries at all, that itself would be concerning. So what’s the difference between caring for your child’s safety online and being overprotective of them? Controlling parenting consists of strict and non-negotiable rules set by parents that are rarely flexible. They are constricting and consistent, despite the child becoming more mature and responsible.
In an always-online world, many parents easily become overprotective over children and the use of their mobile phones – especially at younger ages when they first use one. It’s not as easy as telling parents to take a step back, because of course they should be wary of the negative implications their phones and social media could have on their children. In a short film shared by Smiley Movement, the dangers of these digital platforms are cleverly communicated using a 1990s video shop setting to help audiences of all ages understand just how harmful online platforms and mobile phones can be. The production is focused around encouraging families and guardians to protect their children online, and luckily there are several different ways to effectively do that without taking too much control. Here are just a few of them:
Regular Communication
Protecting your children online isn’t just about restrictions and monitoring. The easiest and most effective way of keeping an eye on your children’s activity online is to regularly and calmly ask them about it. Of course, there’s no real way to know if what they tell you is the truth, but encouraging them to feel comfortable speaking about their online activity with you is the first step towards building a more honest and trustworthy relationship between you and them. This allows you to respect their independence and privacy online while showing them that they can always come to you for advice for anything they’re experiencing on their phones or social media.
Agree On Rules Together
Rules for how your children should use social media will inevitably be set, especially when they’re using platforms for the first time. You may decide to set loose rules that are between you and them, such as certain times when they should use their phone over others. Get them to suggest a time and duration themselves, and negotiate if it’s not quiet where you’d like it to be. This way, they don’t feel powerless and out of control, and they’re more likely to stick to the rules that they had a say in.
Negative Consequences of Overprotectiveness
It might not be obvious at first, but over time, intensive control and protection over your children can lead to several negative implications. The most common is low levels of self-esteem, typically because they’ve become used to doubting their own judgement and decisions, which inevitably leads to questioning their confidence. Secondly, it’s normal to see higher levels of stress and anxiety in children who have grown up with overprotective parents. These overwhelming emotions can come from struggling with fears of failure and facing the punishment or negative feelings that come with not meeting their parents’ expectations.
If you’re concerned about how to manage your children’s behaviour online without being overprotective, you must start with education. If your child understands the risks that come with sharing personal information online, they have the opportunity to make responsible decisions and learn from the consequences of their choices in the process. Telling them how to act online only teaches them to follow rules, rather than helping them understand why those rules matter and how to make responsible decisions independently.
